Sunday, May 29, 2011

He is my Love.

I'm in the weirdest state right now (not literally, though Texas can be pretty strange!). I hit the highest and the lowest point of my life last week. I have never felt so close to God as I did two weeks ago. I can't explain it well, words really won't do it justice. I just love Him so much, and I've never felt so content or desired to worship Him all day like the past few weeks.

At our Bible study, we've joked that we were starting a Doer's Club. 

James 1:22 says, "But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves." The last thing I want is to be called a hearer when I get to Heaven. If I don't act on the things I believe, then I don't truly believe them, do I? I've been asking God to make me a doer, to provide specific ways I can do what He wants. And He answers me. Every time I ask.
"Nothing is more manifest in fact, than that the things of religion take hold of men’s souls no further than they affect them. There are multitudes that often hear the word of God, and therein hear of those things that are infinitely great and important, and that most concern them, and all that is heard seems to be wholly ineffectual upon them, and to make no alteration in their disposition or behaviour, and the reason is, they are NOT AFFECTED WITH WHAT THEY HEAR." Jonathan Edwards
I think God has been working on me, because more and more I want to do the things He wants for me. I could never, ever do that on my own! Over the past year He has drawn me closer and closer to Him, and my heart is so full, sometimes I don't know how I can continue to be on the earth and live regular life. It's like two different beings are in me, one who talks and communes with God internally and wishes for nothing else, and the reality of life being, who takes care of children, cooks, cleans, shops, teaches, and exercises. It's all crazy talk, I know. It sounds crazy to me. I don't understand it.

The funny thing is, I knew the closer to Him I became, the more the trials would increase. In fact, a couple months ago, my brother sent me an email in jest, saying, "if we are in the doer's club, you realize we will encounter more trials and suffering, right?"

So, for the past few weeks, I had just felt increasingly close to God, and I actually thought last Monday, I feel like I know what abundant life is, this joy that fills my heart to the depths of my soul, and makes me wish I could be in Heaven, while at the same time, profoundly happy with my life on earth.

Then the hardest trial of my life began (and ended) last week. I was hit hard by some news that was far more than I could take, and it was crushing to me. I pleaded and cried out to God, and my heart felt like it was bleeding. From the highest joy to the lowest point, within hours.

And from the trial of last week came one of the most amazing gifts the Lord has given me in this life, the salvation of my husband!!!

Within two days, my heart was restored by my precious Lord. He gave me a changed heart- joy and love when I had the lowest of despair. I cried out to Him, not knowing what to do, and He answered me. And His plans were far better than my own.
Psalm 34:6-8

This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him
and saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the LORD encamps
around those who fear him, and delivers them.
Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good!
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him
He's given me so much more than I ever expected. Joy restored and increased, the salvation of my husband, the gift of seeing who He is (even if only partially here!), a marriage made new again, not to mention healthy, sweet little children, and amazing material blessings in addition to all of that. I don't deserve any of it. Not one little bit. His love is amazing. He is LOVE! Thanks be to the Lord, the God of my salvation!! He is true and faithful!

3 comments:

mandyBH said...

And you too sweet lady! We aren't alone are we? LOVE the body of Christ!

Rebecca said...

PRAISE THE LORD!!!! How AMAZING and AWESOME to hear!! What a blessing it is to have a husband who is saved and serving the Lord! May God continue to bless the both of you and your family! :)

Scdoring said...

This is so beautiful, I cried! SO encouraging as I feel I am going through a similar season of various trials in my life. Many blessings to you!
ScDoring

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