passing the due date: confessions of a weak and tired pregnant girl {baby #5, 40 weeks}

Past due. 40 weeks came and went, and we are officially in overtime. :)

Okay, so, I'll admit- I never, ever thought that would happen. ;) Apparently no one else did either.  Not one person guessed on the poll that I would go this late. :)

I've tried to stay positive about it all, :) but Friday {the "official" calendar due date} was my hardest day by far. I have never put any stock in a "due date", and I didn't with this one at all until this point- in fact, I rarely even thought about what day it was- just what week I was due, because the idea that a baby should arrive on/by a particular day seems like telling yourself what time you'll wake up without an alarm clock. It will just happen when it happens, no matter what you decide beforehand.

But Friday was terrible- I didn't sleep at all again, but this time thanks to a weird stink bug landing on my husband 3 whopping hours after we went to sleep. I felt like the bug waking me up was some kind of cruel trick- as if it weren't bad enough to be 40 weeks pregnant with no labor in sight, I was never going to be able to sleep again either. I cried several times that day, and had lots of oh, Jesus, please help me moments.

Somehow my "due date" came to mean a lot more to me on the day it arrived.

But Jesus did hear my cries- oh, how He did. I took a long nap Friday afternoon, thanks to my husband, ate plenty and slept some more, and then the weekend came, and He gave me rest and energy again to keep going. I felt like a massive failure for being so upset on Friday morning about something so silly- for losing it so easily when I knew He had a plan, but He reminded me over and over again that even in my weakest moments, He knows me.

He already knows my failures. He knows how tired I am these days- how I miss feeling so happy and excited about the future, how I miss bending over normally, and running, doing pushups, and liking coffee. And how I miss sleeping mostly. He knows all of that.

And please understand that I'm so not trying to complain- I know pregnancy is an amazing blessing, and that having a healthy body and a healthy pregnancy is truly a gift! I am thankful for the chance to do it again- and I realize that not every one gets to experience that kind of wonderful. And really, I feel very normal, even now- I'm not terribly uncomfortable, or miserable by any means.

It's just that there's something about being totally out of control of your situation that takes you to a place of sanctification in a way nothing else does.

I haven't wanted to tell God when I'd like this baby to come- for all of this pregnancy, He's placed it on my heart to say, when you're willing, Lord. I'm more than ready, by all means, but I'm trying to wait on Him more than anything, because I know His plans are better than mine.  I joke about eating Mexican food and walking and dates and other fun "induction methods"{all things I like to do anyway!}, but I honestly don't believe you can get a baby to come out before it's time any more than you can make your own period start. They're just all fun distractions for while you wait. :)

The waiting this time around has really been harder because of my expectations, I think. I expected God's plan to go differently, because it had before. But He's teaching me to wait, and supplying me with enough patience to do it in this experience.

Friday was full of weakness- I was so humbled by how completely inadequate I am to do anything on my own. I'm such a baby when it comes to suffering {grrr}, and all day long I kept thinking of my friends and family who have actually suffered in the past year, and praying for them because I can't imagine how much they must have hurt and ached and lost hope. I know this doesn't even come close.

But last week the Lord reminded me that He still sees it all- even my little bitty trials, and that He still cares about me and my situation, even though it hardly seems worthy of His attention.

In the last few weeks, He put this sweet older woman with lovely bright red hair and blue eyes in my path. I don't really know her, but we've spoken a couple of times in passing in public places, and when I saw her again at a restaurant just over a week ago, she asked me about my due date, and then out of nowhere, she spoke this Word over me, and told me how God remembers me with this verse in Isaiah 40:11:

He will tend his flock like a shepherd;
    he will gather the lambs in his arms;
he will carry them in his bosom,
    and gently lead those that are with young.

I really didn't expect her to quote Scripture to me at all, but the moment she did, I knew the Holy Spirit was telling me this through her, and the words and reference sank deep into my heart.

I went to bed that night, and woke up at 2:30 a.m. {for the day}, and I cried and cried as I read those words again, so exhausted, that early morning:

He will gently lead those that are with young. 

He knows how tired and slow-moving the ones bearing little children are. How awkward and uncomfortable, and exhausting their walk becomes when they are with young.

And He carries in His arms the ones who cannot walk on their own.

My Jesus.

He already knows this is a great time of weakness for me. He knows how my prayers are feeble cries right now. That I've only slept a few hours in the last week. He knows how fragile I am, and how much I long to see my baby boy and feel normal again.

And He isn't poking at me, prodding and punishing me with his shepherd's stick saying, "Mandy, hurry up- you really stink at your tiny bit of suffering... you need to get it right and do better," like I imagine He is.

He is gently leading me. He gave me this sweet child, and He has a plan for him, and for me. He created my body the way He did, to carry this load, in this way, and He knows this and loves me so much that He stays with me and leads me with love, even when I'm slow, huge, and so very tired.

That's my Father. That's my God.

He restores my soul. He gently leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

It's for His glory that He is walking me through this longer, slower path. And that, strangely enough, is exactly what I've been praying for from the very beginning, from before this little one was even conceived. That the birth of this child would glorify Him. And that His name would be made great. I just didn't expect it to come like this.

I can trust Him with my whole life- my heart is His. He proves how much He loves me- He can even send complete strangers to encourage me and pray for me over and over again!! Get this- I've run into that sweet red-headed lady and she's encouraged me and told me she's prayed for me on two more occasions, at a different place, in the last WEEK. And I don't live in a small town, my friends. That kind of thing NEVER happens.

The Lord knows when this little one will come. And He knows why it will be when it will be. I do not. But I trust Him. I fail Him, I falter- I lack faith- but He does not leave me or forsake me, and He has reminded me of that again in the last few days. I didn't deserve the grace He gave me, and I still do not. It is a gift.

Our God is so, so good. He never fails. And He never stops working everything together for His glory, which is for my good, because He has redeemed me and called me by name. I am His child, His precious lamb, and He will gently lead me, and carry me every time I need Him to.

Oh, sweet friends, magnify the Lord with me, and let's exalt His name together.

How has He led you, or carried you in His arms when you couldn't go on your own?



p.s. thank you so much for all your prayers and encouragement- I cannot tell you how much it means to me. It is incredible and so wonderful to be a part of the body of Christ with you all!

37, 38, 39, and 40 weeks- still growing!! ;)




42 comments

Kaylee Copeland said...

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!! :) I recently found your blog and catch myself going through ALL of your posts. Love your outlook on life and your encouraging words. Stay strong sister, you're almost there!!! :)

Amanda said...

Mandy you and baby B have been in my prayers all weekend! I know you're ready to meet him, praying for patience and strength for you and your family!

Ulrika said...

God really led me through the years when I was ill from digestive issues and showed me pretty early on in the process that I was going to get a colostomy even when I thought there was no way they'd let me have that surgery. He also gave me hope for the future - hope for my dreams of children et.c.

Hang in there - before you know it it will be over and done with. :)

We really have to try to remember to be grateful every day. It's hard sometimes, but I really got a reminder yesterday at church when during prayer time the woman leading the service told us that a family in our church had lost their son a few days ago in what seemed to be a sudden and unexpected way.

Hugs and blessings!

Sophie from France said...

I pray for you and the baby every night. I know that the last days are long and tiring, but I also know that the baby rear when he is ready and when the mother is ready too ... He will be born at the right time for both of you (perhaps the night in a quiet house, perhaps when your children are with friends or family...my 6 was born the day when my husband had put the other children to the school canteen, without knowing if it would be THE good day or not. .. and I think it helped me to be available pout welcome my little baby!)
Courage Mandy, this little boy will soon be in your arms!

Anonymous said...

I'm wondering if the red haired lady is actually a messenger from heaven. I have gone 12 days over before and I know how you feel. Until someone has been there they cannot really understand how the thoughts of the pending labor and being over with it all just consumes you! It's all you can think about and I get emotional too! It's hard to remember, but it is just for a season. May God be with you.

Anonymous said...

Hi Mandy,
I'm Rebekah. I've been reading your blog for about a year now and my heart goes out to you during this difficult time. I'm not a mom yet, but I can empathize with what must be an agonizing wait and emotionally/psychologically mental state!! James 1:2-4 comes to mind when I read your blog entries. I don't think the trial is the joyful part, but the result of the trial is, if you keep persevering. This is the part that stinks, but soon you will be rewarded!!! Praying for you.
Maybe you can go to the local library and get lost in a good thriller? or maybe some comic books or something humorous to change your mood (even for an hour?). One book that nearly made me pee my pants was Tina Fey's Bossypants.
--Rebekah

April McLeod said...

Once again, your post hit home. :) I'm also going through a time of waiting, though for different reasons and in different ways. Your reminder that God *gently* leads us was HUGE for me. I forget that He's gentle with His children, not prodding me because I am the weak, sinful child I am. He's gracious, forgiving, and oh so patient! Thank you for opening your heart again.

I'm praying for you, sweet sister! :)

Anonymous said...

You were my "red haired lady" this morning. I so needed this reminder and am grateful for the verse to hold onto.
Thank you for being so honest!! Being this late into pregnancy is difficult and I loved your transparency.

elizabeth Winter said...

This post is beautiful and humbling, how little are our trials, yet how great is our Lord! You are inspiring. Psalm 127:3- Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him. May you fully enjoy your reward sooner rather than later! Thinking of you and surrounding you with prayer! ~Liz

Anonymous said...

I just felt like I had to tell you that this was God speaking to me through you; you are my red-haired lady! I am currently 34wks pregnant and have been on some form of bed rest for over 2mths and already had 3 hospital trips (one for 5 days) to be treated for pre-term labor. My first son was born 6wks early and was in the NICU for 20 days. I know that by NICU standards that's not long, but it was agony for me and my husband. We were hoping that this pregnancy would be different, but God had other plans. Though hopefully this little boy stays put a little longer! It has been really rough at times and hard to remember that even if I don't feel it, God is leading me gently, even carrying me, and that it's going to be in His perfect timing. I think it's so cool that while you're having to patiently wait for labor to start and I'm hoping that it doesn't start for as long as possible, seeming opposite situations, that our God is giving us the same sweet words.

Thank you SO MUCH for this beautifully encouraging post! I'll pray that God continues to give you comfort, strength...and sleep :)

Leah said...

With my 5ht I went a day "overdue". None of my children before were even close to due, the lastest being 8 days early. I understand your feelings, and can relate totally. It was when I truly gave it over to God that the baby came:) I am not pregnant with my 6th, and I am curious to see when he will arrive. I am 20 weeks along now.

Aliesha said...

I've been praying for you this morning, Mandy! I'm 36+ weeks pregnant with my third, and I have gone "overdue" with my other two. I can pray for you as only a very pregnant and tired mama can! :)

Angela ~ Call Her Blessed said...

What a beautiful scripture. Thank you for reminding me of it. Prayers for you, now & in the coming days.

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for your words, they truly have helped me as well. I am currently about 35 weeks pregnant with my second child, and I'm completely miserable. Like you, I'm doing my best to see the glorious gifts God has blessed me with; without being overtaken by the pain I'm enduring. I know He is truly in control. Battling severe depression throughout my pregnancy has been terribly difficult; especially when accompanied by maintaining a large farm, chasing a 2-year old, and enduring a painful hernia. However, God is good, and His ways are just. I know in my heart my blessings are great; but sometimes I feel like a horse with blinders on-- with only the ability to see the temporary, painful situation I am in currently. Your words, and quoted scripture help remind me to keep pressing forward. Thank you very much for sharing your struggles. I wish you peace, and comfort for the duration of your pregnancy.

Handbags*N*Pigtails said...

Im praying for you right now. I was 7 days overdue with my first daughter and 8 days overdue with the second. That waiting is soooo hard. Like you say, babies come in their own time and you try not to measure the process by a certain day but thats hard to stay away from.
I cant remember if I've already shared this with you or not but are you familiar with the song "In His Time?" The Lord really placed that song on my heart during my first pregnancy and it carried me through some very rough days. Its funny because my daughter always settled right down whenever I would sing that particular song to her, even as an infant(she had heard it alot while still in my belly:)). Even now, at almost 10 yrs old, she loves that song. Hang in there.
In His Time, In His Time
He makes all things beautiful
In His Time
Lord please show me every day, as you're teaching me your way
And to do just what you say...in Your Time
Blessings to you and your family.

Havehope7 said...

Keeping you in prayer for sure . My #4 , and my only boy decided to test his due date as well and by the time I did actually go into labor I had started wondering if he planned to come out or just stay comfy in mommy forever. But rest assured he is here he did finally decided to come out and meet us all and is a healthy happy VERY energetic 4 year old now who keeps us ALL on our toes =op!! The thing that finally worked ? praise music had some prayer warriors pray over my belly and even as they left for home continue to pray within 3 hours of that labor started ( okay and I must admit i kinda had a talk with my little guy while he was holding out in there and let him know i was very very ready to meet him and see his little face finally) . But rest assured the Lord knows the exact time of your little ones birth and so soon shall you and you will be able to count toes and fingers and sit in awe at that amazing miracle =0)

Havehope7 said...

haha Better add this little Elijah #4 was only 3 days past his due date not 4 years . I had not finished writing this!I stopped to fix something and my 4 year old decided to hit enter before I had a chance to go back and correct !! Be encouraged your little blessing will be here soon!!

Anonymous said...

I will be praying for you and that baby! I was over two weeks late last time with an 18 hour labor... so I understand the excitement to meet you little bundle! Just trust that God has a plan on his own timing. He always does!!

Susan Sene said...

I've been stalking your blog. I updated mine today as well. :) Being overdue does stink. And for some reason, I expected not to go past my EDD this time. The Lord has encouraged my heart as well through His word. Can't wait for both of us to meet our sweet babies - hopefully very, very soon!!!!! :)

Jennifer McKeown said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers..Enjoy your little bundle, he will be worth the wait!!

Jamie Dillon said...

My heart really goes out to you! I have 3 children and was a week over due with my youngest.I will keep you in my prayers!
God is carrying me right now while I'm kicking and screaming lol. I'm in nursing school and it has been the most difficult period of my life. Trying to juggle school and family after being a stay at home mom for 15 years has been almost impossible.On top of that I now have a chronic condition with no cure that affects me physically and have been trying to deal with and accept it. But I still have hope that God will heal me. It has been such a rough year. I have struggled with even being angry at God for not healing me and then guilt. I don't understand God's plan and I may not like it at the time. But my faith remains strong and continues to grow :)

Vanessa L. said...

Oh my- I know how it is to wait for a little one to arrive! My son was 41 weeks when I was induced (due to gestational diabetes). Every day that passed I would hope it was his birthday!

God's timing is so wonderful and so perfect. I love that He sent that lady to you for encouragement. God is amazing!

Tracy Perkins said...

Thank you for this post! You explained so well those last days of carrying, knowing that we are priviledged and blessed but so needing the Lord to carry us through some times. I will be praying for you and your wee one and the strength that you need. You have encouraged me in another personal area of my life, I really needed to hear these things. You are a blessing!

Mandy said...

ph thank you Kaylee!! I'm so glad to meet you!! :D

Mandy said...

oh thank you so much girlie!! that means so much to me, friend!

Mandy said...

oh thank you for your encouragement, Ulrika!! :)

Mandy said...

thank you so much for your prayers Sophie! that is such a great point too- the Lord knows just when the right time is! :)

Mandy said...

I sure wondered that myself- God certainly used her to encourage me every time I saw her!

Mandy said...

oh that is a fantastic idea, Rebekah! and thank you for your encouragement, and for sharing the Word with me! I love it!
James has definitely been a recurring though along with this from Romans:…3And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; 4and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; 5and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. :D

Mandy said...

thank you so much for your prayers, April! I will be praying for you this week as well as you wait in your situation! :) much love!

Mandy said...

Oh amen to all of that, girlie! :D thank you so much for praying for us!!!

Abra said...

"It's just that there's something about being totally out of control of your situation that takes you to a place of sanctification in a way nothing else does." Oh man, this is so true! Stay focused on the goal and look at how far you've come! My first baby was a 43 weeker, the second and third were each born at 41 weeks...and I was one of those especially blessed to have experienced hyperemesis gravidarum for my entire pregnancies (meaning, the all day sickness lasted from week 6 until after the baby was born!). God brought me through each day because I know there is no way I could have made it through on my own steam and it encouraged me to remember that God also is very kind: my 4th was born at 38 weeks! Stay strong. Stay focused and remember that when God gives us more then we can handle, He does so to turn us back to Him BECAUSE He loves us. Blessings!

Breanna Suhoversnik said...

"It's just that there's something about being totally out of control of your situation that takes you to a place of sanctification in a way nothing else does."
So what I needed to hear today! We're foster parents and looking at a really tough goodbye coming soon and it's totally out of our control, which makes me so frustrated at times. This was a beautiful reminder to trust Him in EVERYTHING.

Thank you! Love your blog!

Renata said...

Praying for you. If it helps I was so encouraged by this post that I'm glad God allowed you the time to share it with us!

I remember the feelings so well ~ my daughter was 2 weeks 2 days late (& I felt every hour of those days). She followed my son who was 3 weeks early so I'd been anticipating labour for 5 weeks. (Not that I'm saying yours will come that late, I just remember the anticipation, frustration & waiting.....)

May God hold you close as you wait for His perfect timing!
Blessings
Renata:)

Kjersti Eilers said...

Thank you so much for this post! I'm only just over 6 months pregnant with our 3rd, but my husband is currently unemployed and we are living at my parents place. We have been here for over 2 months and am starting to feel hopeless. It's crowded and not toddler safe/proof.... and I'm exhausted. I have been feeling so restless to move on and get our own place again. I was able to apply this post to the waiting I feel right now in this situation. Thanks again for your encouraging words!

k said...

Mandy, I've been praying for you and your family, your little man will arrive soon enough. Treasure these moments with that little miracle inside of you. The time will go by quickly and before you know it, this little man will be grown and a Daddy himself. Trust me, the years fly by! I look back all those years ago with such joy at the blessings our precious Lord gave me just as you will. Don't rush the days, relish each one! Love and blessings!

Juana Guzman said...

Thank you for your encouraging words. I'm a mom to 2 kids and currently 7 mths pregnant, for 6 days I have suffered a bad bad cold ! Coughing so hard that I strained a muscle on my right side, 5 nights of no sleep. There were times were I felt scared, alone, but every cough/pain I would give thanks to the Lord for helping me thru this and asking him to protect my little one. I'm finally recovering, only to have my 2 kids sick :( But, after reading your post, it only deepened my faith in our Lord. Thank you so much and praying for you !

Caroline said...

My last three babies were late after four earlies in a row (#1 was late too). The finally figured that I just have too much room and though I would have contraction 5 minutes apart for 2 or 3 weeks, I was walking around at 2-3cm and nothing else would happen until they broke my water. I am nicely stretched, the last turning breech during labor to prove it. It is miserable way to feel, over baked :) I pray you get relief soon.

Olivia said...

I don't remember having trouble sleeping while pregnant I did a lot of it.
I hope your baby comes soon.
Also I can wake up at anytime without an alarm clock. {referring to your comment}
I used to have to be at work at 5am and would just tell myself to wake up
at 3:30 am. I can even decide to sleep ten minutes longer and will wake up
in ten minutes. Kind of like a built in snooze alarm. My dad could do that also.
It is called setting your internal clock. When my husband wants to go fishing
and get up early he just tells me and I wake up and then wake him up. It works
every time and I was never late to work.

Anonymous said...

God is working with me right now. He gave me 2 wonderful children, my son was my first pregnancy and a dream, my daughter was my second and I stayed in labor from 21 weeks till delivery. Then a. Iud that made me crazy both physically and mentally. I had that for a year. Then we tried to get pregnant for 3 years, last year I got pregnant in January to miscarry in march, I spent the spring and summer in a deep depression, I got pregnant again in September and we were told that my numbers and ultrasound looked fabulous! No worries! A week later there was no baby, and my numbers were falling rapidly.... my body hung on for 4 weeks, I think those four weeks were the worst in my life. Knowing that there was no life inside me yet my body wasn't ready to give up. I begged God why! ? I screamed and cried and got silent and within myself.... I truly went through every emotion and motion of grieving. My husband decided I needed a change and a big change quickly! So we packed up our belongings, sold what we didn't want, gifted what didn't sell, and moved into a 24 ft camper with our 2 kiddos, we headed south on a hope and a prayer that things would get better. 3 months later I was laying in bed, literally dieing, my husband finally convinced me tmi go to the quick care, they sent me to the hospital where I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. Now I live with a lifelong disease.... knowing more babies aren't in our future, grieving for what I will never have, rejoicing in what I do have, we wanted 4 or 6 or 8! Lol for whatever reason, God said no, I am still trying to submit myself to that right now. Its great to read that you, having beautiful pregnancies and a healthy body have moments of weakness just like us who don't it makes me remember that just because those who have it "perfect" seem to have it all "together" , in the end, we are all human, we all fail at some point and have to pick up ourselves and begin AGAIN! Thank you for sharing and being so honest with us all.

Janelle said...

Praying for you. It will happen but those last few days are torture. I went four days over with #4 and when she came out we realized she was early. Still coated completely with vernix.
Delivered my sweet boy July 29. Fifty minutes of intense labor. At home and my midwife made it even though she lives an hour and half away. Owen Jacob 7 pounds 12 ounces.
I have loved keeping up with you and am so excited to hear all about it. Soon you will be cuddling your sweet one.
Praying for all of you.

Megan said...

That was a beautiful post...very real and encouraging too. I don't know about you, but I think when I went the full 2 weeks overdue with our 4th, one of the hardest parts were all the calls and the "you haven't had that baby yet?" comments....very superficial, I know, but I just stopped answering my phone and considered wearing a sign that said "look at my belly...of COURSE I haven't had him/her yet!!!"

God is with you, He is gently leading and ever so perfect in all His ways...praying for your peace and encouragement...cannot WAIT to hear of sweet boy's arrival!!!!!