Monday, February 08, 2016

an unexpected loss

February already? I don't know how it happened.

I wish I could say January was amazing, but its end wasn't as wonderful as its beginning. We lost someone quite dear to our entire family rather unexpectedly. 

I hate death. 

I hate, hate, hate death.


It's horrible, and it makes you feel like someone punched you in the gut. The entire world seems different when someone you love dies. It's just not supposed to be this way, and you feel that heart and soul.

I left January aching. It's somehow so easy to go about life without thinking of death, and then in it comes and you have no choice but to deal with it. This time it made me realize all over again that my life is of little account- I probably won't even outlast the trees in my backyard. It made me cry out to God anew: This life is entirely too short, Lord. I have no chance of doing what is right apart from You. I need You, I need Your help, I need You to do what You want with me in this little bit of time, because I can't do it. What did you make me for? Why am I here? I am a flower that blooms and withers- like the grass that dies... I'm just dirt, God. Even the trees will outlast me.

And He reminded me of the answer with another question: 

What is the purpose of a flower? What is the purpose of the grass?

My heart knew and yet realized all at once: the purpose of the flower and the grass is to bring Him glory in its beauty and season, and to physically serve others around them. 

All of creation speaks and tells us of the majesty of the Creator, and that is my purpose here too. Only by some great and wonderful love was I even given the understanding that He is the Lord of the universe. And He gave me a soul that will not perish like those flowers of the field. My soul will live forever, and because Jesus died for me, a sinner and took MY punishment on the cross, I get to be washed of my sins and live with Him in eternity, where death won't reign and grief will be gone for those who have believed in His Son here. 

Isaiah 40:7: The grass withers, the flower fades, When the breath of the LORD blows upon it; Surely the people are grass. 8 The grass withers, the flower fades, But the word of our God stands forever.

That's His Word. And His Word is good and true. It does not change.

Someday His breath will blow upon me, and I will leave this earth too. I have an ending here, which makes me long all the more to give to Him every part of me, and to be a flower that brings Him glory with all my heart. Because one day all too soon, this life will be over for all of us.

Do you understand what will happen when it is your time to fade away? Will you have repented and believed in the promises of His Word while you were alive? Will you have sought to bring Him glory in this life? Do you love Him? Is He your Lord and Savior?

It surely won't be long before you know the answer.


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